


Some Strange Part of Me

by QueerPotat



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Anxiety, Comfort, Cross-Posted on Wattpad, Gen, Holography, Light Angst, M/M, Mind-Reading I guess?, Non-Canon Gem Magic, Non-Sexual Intimacy, Open to Interpretation, Other, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Panic Attacks, Post-Episode: s06e12 Bismuth Casual, Pre-Episodes: s06e13-s06e20, Songfic, steven is a fusion
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-04
Updated: 2021-01-13
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:13:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,278
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24401866
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueerPotat/pseuds/QueerPotat
Summary: It can be difficult to split apart when you least expect it, especially when it's not entirely the same as last time.
Relationships: Pink Steven Universe & Steven Universe, Steven's Components
Comments: 8
Kudos: 48





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7h6Mj2OUxs1GRI0WKvJGp2?si=qgTTZ7x-S5GseStEtm9ijQ

The moon shone weakly through the open window that overlooked the boy's bed where he slept fitfully. In his mind, images flashed searing white and crackling grey, and a knife-sharp voice coaxed from the shadows between his thoughts.

_"It's time to come out, Pink..."_

Steven awoke with a shudder, gasping for breath as he reassured himself that she was not there. He hadn't actually heard her. He was completely safe.

Why didn't he feel safe?

It had been years since White had taken his gem from him. Years since he was separated from himself. They were on friendlier terms now, or as friendly as Steven could stand to be, and she was lightyears away.

So why was he shaking?

He tried to pull himself together, breathing shallowly in and out as he slid from under his covers to a cross-legged position. After a few moments, he felt less like a dry leaf in the wind and more like himself. Breathing a sigh of relief, he moved to rest his hand on his gem.

The second he touched it a blinding, flashing sensation overwhelmed his senses.

He drew back in shock, back to breathing like a dying man. He looked down at his stomach, scanning his gem for any sign of cracking in the dim night light. Nothing. Somehow that worried Steven more.

He flopped against his headboard, shivering slightly as his shirtless back pressed against the cold wood. He felt awful. Lately, he had been losing sleep over nightmares like this, but tonight was different. He hadn't even thought about what happened in White's head since the last quarter. Maybe that was why his gem was so sensitive.

Unless...it was happening again.

"Hey, um, me?" Steven whispered to himself. "It would be great if you didn't come apart again."

Tentatively, he lightly grazed the surface of his gem, wondering if that same flashing would return.

Instead, humming light poured out from it, illuminating the whole room. Steven made a frightened sound, pushing himself further against his bed frame, trying to be as far away from the glow as possible. He squeezed his eyes shut, covering his face with white-knuckled hands.

From underneath his eyelids and fingers, he could tell that there was still a glow, barely. The persistent haze started to fade after about 30 seconds. Steven refused to move or open his eyes, terrified of whatever was waiting for him outside of the safety of his blindness.

Something brushed against his hands.

Trying desperately not to scream, Steven opened his mouth in an attempt to ask who, whatin all the galaxies was touching him.

**_"I'm here."_ **

His breath hitched. No, it wasn't possible, no-

Two pink, tv-static hands gently grasped his own, pulling them off his face and clasping them together. His eyes flew open as he met the wide-eyed gaze of...his own form, crouched over him.

**_"It is."_ **


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7h6Mj2OUxs1GRI0WKvJGp2?si=qgTTZ7x-S5GseStEtm9ijQ

Steven was completely numb, frozen in place. His other half didn't move either, although a vaguely concerned expression had crept into the corners of his eyes.

His counterpart let go of Steven's hands and brought his own to caress Steven's face, brushing his thumbs against the cheekbones hidden beneath his general softness. The gesture was unexpected and made Steven quietly exhale.

"...How?"

He ceased his affections at those words, unsure of how to respond. A beat of silence passed before Steven spoke up.

"How are you here? I-I'm, my gem, it's still in me," He stumbled over his words, clutching at his midsection like it was a lifeline. Actually, it literally was.

His other half looked away, and Steven was relieved to be out of the uncomfortable eye contact.

**_"I don't know."_ **

"I-What?"

He did not speak, instead moving one of his hands to uncover Steven's stomach, resting his palm on the main facet of the rose-colored stone. Steven startled at the feeling, breathing becoming slightly more erratic. He began to wonder if he was still in his nightmare.

"Please say something."

Steven inhaled shakily, trying to stabilize himself as the contact was continued.

"P-please, why are you here? This doesn't make any sense..."

No answer. No movement. Steven's heart pounded in his chest.

"I don't need this right now. I don't want this, I don't..."

His words faded away into a coarse whisper, and he could no longer keep it together. He could feel his face crumple into a shut-eyed grimace as hot tears traced lines down his cheeks, head hanging low.

"I'm scared."

The hand on top of his gem twitched, sending a shock up Steven's spine. His tears only came faster.

Why was this happening?

Why couldn't he catch a damn break?

_**"I know. It's hard,"**_ spoke the form above him softly.

Gentle fingers slid under the crying boy's chin, came up from his stomach to thumb his tears away.

_**"But I'm here."** _

Steven just stared, boring a hole into white pupils that looked at him with the same intensity. He felt himself leaning into his counterpart's touch despite himself. It was just so...nice.

He seemed to have sensed that, as he shifted himself to be beside Steven, pressing into his body. Steven quieted and tensed at their closeness. For the first time that night, the being hesitated.

_**"Is this alright?"**_ he whispered into Steven's ear, who shivered slightly at the sensation.

He didn't know what to say. He was still crying, he was still confused, and from a quick glance at the clock on his bedside table, it was very early in the morning. Exhaustion had crept upon him. All he wanted to do was sink into deep dreamless sleep. To feel better.

A strand of his hair was tucked behind his ear, and his attention was drawn back to a wide-eyed stare.

_**"That's why I'm here."** _

His glowing form shifted even closer, arms coming to rest around his torso, enveloping Steven in buzzing warmth.

_**"Is this alright?"**_ he asked again.

Steven's thoughts had begun to drift away in a tired haze, red puffy eyelids drooping down. But he was still cognizant enough to huff out a "sure" before he truly entered sleep.

Moonlight and pink light blended together, until a few hours later, there was only the faint illumination of white.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7h6Mj2OUxs1GRI0WKvJGp2?si=qgTTZ7x-S5GseStEtm9ijQ

Steven awoke slowly in the morning, fluctuating from dozing to alertness in stages. After half an hour of this drifting, he let out a sigh and finally sat up. 

The sunlight was streaming brightly through his window, and for a split second he jolted in panic, tossing the covers aside and grabbing for his phone before he remembered: he had no obligations today. It was a Saturday. 

He checked the time, squinting at the brightness of his phone screen. It was 1:14 PM. The gems hadn’t come to wake him up?

Then again, he hadn’t exactly been giving them the chance to do so, with him waking up early no matter the day of the week. 

He strained his ears to hear any sign of movement in the beach house. Nothing. They must have all left earlier. 

He rubbed the sleep from his eyes blearily and stretched, glancing around the room, when his gaze halted on something that was hidden underneath his Cookie Cat alarm clock. He reached over and took it into his hands.

It was a torn piece of paper, covered with neat, stilted writing. 

**_“Steven,”_ ** the note read. **_“I will be there if you need me again.”_ **

The boy read it once, twice, three times, scanning the single sentence with a wide stare. 

“Th-that’s all you had to say? Really?” he whispered incredulously, despite the fact that he was alone.

Well...not  quite  alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is shorter than usual, due to me having massive writer's block and only being able to squeeze the words from my brain a little at a time. Argh, I don't know how to pace a story... But! The next chapter will be extra long to make up for it.
> 
> Happy belated 2021 btw :)

**Author's Note:**

> Just a lil' something I wanted to say:
> 
> Pink is basically like a Holo Pearl but with more autonomy/consciousness because since Steven’s only half-human, so his gem would be able to divert more energy to a projected form. Basically all the benefits of separation without them actually separating. Or something like that.
> 
> I originally intended for this to be a oneshot, but, welp. Expect more updates...some time before the turn of the century.  
> (very soon now!)


End file.
